So without further Adieu, I give you, my 2011 "New" Jays:
A Bunch of Kansas City Corner Infielders:
If you play fantasy baseball with me, you know that there are certain players that I remain brutally faithful to, even though they’re performances may not justify it.
This is best represented by both my extreme like for Alex Gordon, and my borderline man-love for Billy Butler.
Let’s go over why I want them on the Jays for, “non-statistical and very illogical,” reasons.
Alex Gordon:
It is no secret that the Jays currently have either a top-flight defensive threat in RF, or a very good 3B on their roster, but not both (cloning Bautista is more for the 2012 playoff run). Personally, I love Bau-Bau in RF because there are very few things I like to do over the course of the summer as much as yell “Cannoooooooonnnnnss” every time Jose chucks a baseball back to the infield. 
Keeping Bautista in RF will allow the speedy, yet somewhat one-dimensional, fielder Rajai Davis to fully take over where Freddy Lewis’ left off. That being as the Jays’ Willie Mays Hayes from Major League, or Malik from Not Another Teen Movie. For those who have yet to see the latter:
As a former top pick, Alex Gordon oozes potential, but this alone is not a reason to break the bank on him. After all, remember when the Jays had former #1 pick Matt Bush in their system for 20 minutes? Potential did nothing to smooth over Bush’s attitude at the Major League level, and he blew up. Rumour of his demise had it that he once drunkenly showed up at a high school yelling, “I’m Matt F*cking Bush!” around the school yard. Rumour also has it that he is still struggling to keep it together, even after his attempted fresh start under his new name, Mel Gibson.
In any event, Alex Gordon is a high risk-high reward option at the 3B position. The former Corn Husker could either, “Reap” the benefits of a change of scenery and expectations, or he could be in for an “empty harvest season,” and the Alex Gordon silo could be low on MLB numbers...and oats....but certainly not on farm euphemisms I would love AA to take a run at him, and officially limit E5 to 0 games at the position, and if he could pry my wonder boy Billy Butler away in a deal...
Billy Butler:
A 3B, turned 1B, Billy Butler is everything the Jays need in a hitter.
Butler’s got more pop than a 2001 *NSync album. He also has the great ability to spray it to all fields. With the Rogers Centre’s “bowling alley” like outfield, his bat could be the most diverse weapon since Lyle Overbay’s pre-surgically repaired robot hand. Get him, put him in the 2/3 hole, and let Bau-Bau make the best of bringing home arguably the future of sweet-swinging doubles hitting.
Someone Who Can Throw A Lot of Baseballs, Quality Ones Optional
Kevin Millwood
There, I said it. It may be several years later than necessary, but, like Michael Young, I believe in a “better late than never” form of redemption with this guy.
The Jays rotation is young, and pitch counts are higher, but still not at an unlimited ceiling for some of these guys. So why not take a risk on a now back-of-the-rotation guy who will always make his starts and eat innings like they are on special at Mandarin. A short-term move like this can only help in managing the Jays young arms to strengthen them for a big run in 2012, 2013, 2014......2026, and beyond.
Menu Pun Players
Orlando Hudson
Attend a game with me, I can guarantee you that at some point I will bitch and complain about how much I miss the O-Dawg combo. I want that combo, I need that combo, and rumour had it, we were close. Suck it Padres, you’ve ruined my dinner.
GM State of the Union
Like I said, none of these were based on any sabermetrics. They were based on anecdotes, and man-crushes. They simply are nothing more, nothing less, but everything awesome in my books.
So here’s to the 2011 Jays, whoever makes the roster, may they bring many a “W,” and may Brandon Morrow continue to justify my extremely drunken personalized jersey purchase.
Now where’s MLB 2K11, I need more convincing to buy a PS3 just so that I can play a $350 version of MLB: The Show and not strike out or hit a home run, every. single. time.
Dude, we went fishing in Cabo....
